Let’s talk about DELIVERY. Not the baby-producing kind, and not the “special’ one that rings your doorbell. No, let’s talk about how you come across in making your feelings and needs understood.
Several styles come to mind when I think about people and their chosen deliveries. There’s:
“Let Me Be Frank“
“I Need To Be Aggressive”
“I Know You Can Read My Mind”
For example, a simple situation: It’s Tuesday night and a couple is having dinner at a local restaurant. Let’s listen to the various types of responses:
One Person tells waiter: ‘I’ll have the salmon with the maple glaze and a Caesar salad.”
(Frank) “Really? Do you know how much sugar is in a maple glaze? Aren’t you on a new diet?”
(Aggressive) “Don’t order that! Let’s order something we can share, and I don’t want all that sugar and cheese!”
(You Can Read My Mind) Looks over with wrinkled brow. Orders and sulks through most of the meal because you should know that he got sick from Caesar salad the last time he ate it.
(Hinter) “Hmm…” Shifting in the seat. Looking across the table and back at the menu. “Hmm… Are you sure about that? Did you look over the whole menu? You might want some dessert later.”
Get the picture? How much more enjoyable the evening could be if we just say what we mean but deliver it in a non-offensive, accusatory or aggressive way.
Instead, how about:
”Do you think the portions are large here so we could share the main dish, and I’ll just get a salad?” Or, “If you don’t want to share and are really hungry, I’ll just get a small appetizer and a salad.”
Regardless of what you want to order, you will listen to each other and consider the options – and the evening will turn out a lot nicer. Another approach might be that before the ordering is done, you can have a discussion:
‘How hungry are you? I could really share something tonight. Do you feel like a pizza and a salad? If not, I’ll get something small.”
Sounds so obvious but people often don’t even recognize themselves. And it’s not just about food.
Next time you are having a real discussion, put me on your shoulder to whisper in your ear. I’ll remind you to make your feelings known but help you remember to consider your DELIVERY and maybe you will stop and think about not only what you are going to say – but how you are going to say it.
Then watch what happens. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.